RAPE.....MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING?

Bunch of maniacs!

It has taken me a lot of hours researching,thinking and ruminating over this particular topic and hopefully this will end in a good place. Weeks back I noted down the topic 'marital rape' in my diary but that will be a post for another day.

Today,I will be ranting energetically about the attitude of rape.Seems strange yeah?

A couple of days ago,a story broke on Twitter about a lady who spoke out after being allegedly raped when she was underaged. What made Twitter go crazy wasn't really the topic (at least that was what I perceived) but the concerned parties. Now this blog post is not about the personalities involved,it is mainly about the attitude of the average Nigerian man on Twitter towards the incident.

 

When news on rape breaks on social media,it is saddening to note how quickly some persons give excuses on behalf of the rapist and surprisingly none for the victim. These individuals are known as 'rape apologists'. From offering horrific reasons such as indecent dressing and hanging with the wrong bunch, to calling the rape victim a cocktease, it is seriously alarming how these apologists are so narrow minded to say the least (I should point out that boys also get raped but that is topic for another day)

The bone of contention I am struggling with is why rape victims are forced to feel ashamed while perpetrators are allowed to roam free after paying some bribe and statements like "why were you in his house?" "Why didnt you fight or shout?" are thrown at the victims. Atimes, the victims are questioned in front of the abusers with questions like: Are you sure you were raped? 

According to research,less than 20 rapists have ever being convicted of rape in Nigeria,this is a country where countless number of rape ordeals are heard of daily. But then what do you expect of a country whose senators are free to marry 7year old females.

Also according to research,one in three Nigerian females has been sexually molested,assaulted or propositioned before the age of thirty. 

(Sigh)

I am a firm believer in 'innocent until proven guilty' but numerous episodes of Law and Order;Special Victims Unit has taught me that a little sympathy shown to the victims goes a long way.

Some of the rape apologists asked questions like why rape victims keep going back to their abusers.I wonder who hasn't heard of Stockholms Syndrome in this day and age,battered wives keep going back to their husbands,children keep quiet about their abusers,kidnapping victims keep mute about their kidnappers and in all of these instances,victims even sometimes start defending their abusers.It is not rocket science,no,just rudimentary psychology(at this stage,instead of making mathematics compulsory in secondary schools,why not try simple psychology instead).

We as a people know that African women still have a long journey ahead in proving that they are equal to men.This cause has birthed great individuals and enjoyed a lot of social media. Still,we can ask ourselves this: girls are taught to be chaste and modest,but what exactly do we tell our boys?

If as a man,you beat your wife at home in the presence (or even absence) of your kids,why wouldn't your sons insult and demean ladies outside?I mean,afterall a father is his son's first role model.

I want to use this opportunity to reach out to all the ladies that have been sexually molested and assaulted,that you keep quiet does not make you less of a woman,you are just finding your own way of healing.And to the ladies that have found or are finding the courage to speak out,you are the real MVP.Do not be shamed,instead point out the assholes that hurt you and let THEM be ashamed and hopefully burn in hell!

PS: Your opinions will be appreciated.

GUILTY AS I CHARGE YOU!

Hey guys,I know it has been a while since I last put up a blog post. I have had so much on my plate that most times I just jot down things I want to write about and forget the put them up.

Anyway the reason I am putting up a blog post very different from what I usually do is because of a write up my friend put up on bbm.(see below)

After seeing this,I flashed back on my Uni days, this is a real story.

While in the Uni,I got a lot of rumors and stories being bandied about me,so much that at a point I thought I had a twin I didnt know about. Out of the many rumors,the one that shocked me on every level was when someone told my boyfriend that I was a 'runz girl'. In fact this person gave 'actual'testimonies that were so believable.I was angry at first,then I started doubting myself in every manner.I felt I was probably giving those vibes with the way I dressed,walked,talked,laughed or socialized.It was simply crazy!

As if that wasn't enough,a very close friend was told that I wasn't even a student,that I was just in school to keep up appearances.Crazy hunh?

On the other side,there are people I have heard a lot of sordid stories about them that I shamelessly believed.It was wrong,it was unjustly,It was unfair.Because of how hurt and confused I felt when it concerned me,I am now investing much energy into learning how to know people for who they are and not for what they are said to be.I can tell you that it is not so easy,infact with some people you would wish you didn't spend so much energy finding out who they are.But for the few good hearted people who could get easily misjudged,it is a necessary habit.  

After so many of these purported stories,I then realized that people will talk about you whether you give them reason to or not.Yours is to make sure you do not confirm any negative or untrue stories about you. You can also join me in this self imposed journey on learning how to not judge people based on rumors.You can start by checking what you really know about your so-called 'arch-enemy',you could have been misled unknowingly.

 PS:If you have any stories about the topic,do not forget to drop them in the comments section.

The story of the EXES…

 Lazy Sundays are definitely not a novelty to me.

As it happened this particular Sunday, I decided to take a stroll through my TL on twitter, as I usually do when I find myself less busy and then I saw it, the 64 million dollar question that always seem to get people boiled up: Is it a big deal if your best friend and ex hook up? As you have correctly guessed (those familiar with twitter rants), my TL was lit with enough opinions, and one would have thought it was a political debate. Since it was a quiet Sunday in with the boo, I turned to him and posed the question, his reply was; what kind of ex is she? And this made me pause for a second; I replied ‘what do you mean? He then said there were some kind of exes you still feel some residual emotions for and those you don’t.

This reminded  me of an old story about two good friends I heard about, Susan and Tia. Susan had a boyfriend, Anthony, with whom she had been in a relationship for three years until she graduated. Tia and Anthony still had a year left in school before graduation. The gist was, their relationship was the talk of the whole campus because they were so in love and weren’t shy when it came to PDAs. They went everywhere together, lived and studied together and just about did everything together until Susan graduated. A few months after, Susan and Anthony broke up due to some issues- primarily, distance.

Anyway, after the breakup, Susan started noticing some distance between her and her friend. Tia had become so secretive. This made Susan very suspicious. At first she felt it was school issues, and then Tia graduated with First class honours which pretty much ruled that out. This behaviour continued for months until Susan got fed up. She decided to consult friends they had in common. She asked what was wrong with Tia and why she had been acting peculiar for months. Their friends said nothing. They all denied knowing what could be affecting Tia. Not long after, everybody parted ways.

 Many years later, Susan was going through her facebook page and saw some pictures of Tia, she decided to check though her profile and what she saw made her weak, Tia was married to Anthony and they were expecting their first child together! Apparently, Tia and Anthony hooked up after the break up. Life is a pot of beans abi?

Now the question that went round was; what was the big deal? At least Susan and Anthony broke up before Tia entered the picture. It wasn’t as if it Tia broke the relationship. In fact others went as far as to tell Susan to be happy since her friend found happiness through her.

Some others did not so understand, saying Tia must have wanted a relationship with her best friend’s boyfriend all along. Out of the thousands of guys she could have dated, why did she pick him? Others went as far as saying Tia could have instigated the breakup.

Now my opinion is this, there is a universal code among girls, one of which is; you must not date your friend’s ex. That said, there are exigent circumstances, situations beyond our control. After all, we do not choose who we fall in love with.

On a personal note though, I do not believe in exes. Once we breakup, we never dated!