It has taken me a lot of hours researching,thinking and ruminating over this particular topic and hopefully this will end in a good place. Weeks back I noted down the topic 'marital rape' in my diary but that will be a post for another day.
Today,I will be ranting energetically about the attitude of rape.Seems strange yeah?
A couple of days ago,a story broke on Twitter about a lady who spoke out after being allegedly raped when she was underaged. What made Twitter go crazy wasn't really the topic (at least that was what I perceived) but the concerned parties. Now this blog post is not about the personalities involved,it is mainly about the attitude of the average Nigerian man on Twitter towards the incident.
When news on rape breaks on social media,it is saddening to note how quickly some persons give excuses on behalf of the rapist and surprisingly none for the victim. These individuals are known as 'rape apologists'. From offering horrific reasons such as indecent dressing and hanging with the wrong bunch, to calling the rape victim a cocktease, it is seriously alarming how these apologists are so narrow minded to say the least (I should point out that boys also get raped but that is topic for another day)
The bone of contention I am struggling with is why rape victims are forced to feel ashamed while perpetrators are allowed to roam free after paying some bribe and statements like "why were you in his house?" "Why didnt you fight or shout?" are thrown at the victims. Atimes, the victims are questioned in front of the abusers with questions like: Are you sure you were raped?
According to research,less than 20 rapists have ever being convicted of rape in Nigeria,this is a country where countless number of rape ordeals are heard of daily. But then what do you expect of a country whose senators are free to marry 7year old females.
Also according to research,one in three Nigerian females has been sexually molested,assaulted or propositioned before the age of thirty.
(Sigh)
I am a firm believer in 'innocent until proven guilty' but numerous episodes of Law and Order;Special Victims Unit has taught me that a little sympathy shown to the victims goes a long way.
Some of the rape apologists asked questions like why rape victims keep going back to their abusers.I wonder who hasn't heard of Stockholms Syndrome in this day and age,battered wives keep going back to their husbands,children keep quiet about their abusers,kidnapping victims keep mute about their kidnappers and in all of these instances,victims even sometimes start defending their abusers.It is not rocket science,no,just rudimentary psychology(at this stage,instead of making mathematics compulsory in secondary schools,why not try simple psychology instead).
We as a people know that African women still have a long journey ahead in proving that they are equal to men.This cause has birthed great individuals and enjoyed a lot of social media. Still,we can ask ourselves this: girls are taught to be chaste and modest,but what exactly do we tell our boys?
If as a man,you beat your wife at home in the presence (or even absence) of your kids,why wouldn't your sons insult and demean ladies outside?I mean,afterall a father is his son's first role model.
I want to use this opportunity to reach out to all the ladies that have been sexually molested and assaulted,that you keep quiet does not make you less of a woman,you are just finding your own way of healing.And to the ladies that have found or are finding the courage to speak out,you are the real MVP.Do not be shamed,instead point out the assholes that hurt you and let THEM be ashamed and hopefully burn in hell!
PS: Your opinions will be appreciated.
2 comments:
Sadly true. I cringe when these rape apologists make up excuses for the rapists. I mean, just how demented can one get? If you have a sibling, friend or relative who had ever ben raped, then you will NEVER give an audience to their flimsy excuses to rape. We tell girls, cover up, don't visit that boy, remain chaste. But what about the boys? Agreed, boys get raped as well but the margin is extremely narrow. We need to put the same measures in place for the boys as well. No gender is superior to the other.
However, i reckon with the writer wanting to get back at "Unrequited love" but rape is not an issue you throw around leisurely. You should define your struggle but don't let it define you. Oprah Winfrey is a great example. She was molested at a young age but went on to focus on carving a niche for herself and then came back to tell her story. If this is all you're known for now, then you will forever be known as "rape girl" and any favours you get will come from pity and not based on merit.
You are very correct.
Although some ladies move on from this stigma,others become stuck in it.
I only pray none of mine ever encounters something as awful as rape.
Thanks Funmi for your unique view as always.
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